Yesterday, during the latter end of my Central Park bike riding w/ JDB, my hands got that sensation when they go dead--or asleep. That feeling of them buzzing with less sensation than normal? Then the odd pain which alarms?
They didn't ever really get back to normal sensation--I ate and replenished what was lost in my blood donation, and even this morning, my fingers don't feel right.
Today is a mirror--déjà vu of my last months at Apple. The lethargy, lacklusterness. I think it's resignation, acceptance of my decisions, my fate, what I must do to continue.
It's not promising or enthralling, to say the least. I don't know what else I can do but continue, and try to plan things which might renew me.
And then I have these thoughts--of longing, or want. Words I do not think I should ever say. Words I have no license for.
I am unallowed. I will try not to cry at work.
Don't you dare.
