I was worried about getting stuck in the rain on my bike, but only now (in the comfort of my dorm room) has the rain gently let loose.
I brought my camera, but haven't wanted to take the time out of my experience to capture moments. It seems to make much more sense for me to just let all things seep. For me to remember them through the haze of my mind, however faulty.
The friends that I have made/met are truly so great. I wish I had felt this at Columbia's orientation in fall of last year--I genuinely care and really feel this warm fulfillment in these writers' company. We do so much together, and also don't. I don't feel obligated and just have this overwhelming sense of feeling like I've found the Diana I haven't been in such a long time.
Actually, it reminds me of my first three months working at Apple after I ended my relationship with S. and was making new friends and experience a life outside of school, my hometown. I flourished and had this clutch of energy which drove me through my enthusiasm for people, events, and activities.
I feel that way here, again. I think the words would be that I am very happy and in my own self here. I don't know what enabled this--I'm not really writing (though I plan on doing that today as there is something internal compelling that impulse, finally)--I'm just doing all the things I wanted to do here and somehow am enabling/sharing my lust for life with others around me.
I've become something of an organizer of fun and events. I love my banter with others--and my honest talks with Maureen (she's in the dorm suite across the hall from me).
Yesterday, several of the guys came with me and JB (he drove up just for my free day with his bike) and they rented bikes at the only bike shop in town, and we did a little bike gang over to local swimming hole (Puffers' Pond).
I jumped off a rock formation for the first time in my life. Crashing into the water like a checkmark with my eyes closed. I released a pathetic scream (out of fear of death), and the time in the air was so immensely terrifying. I can't get over my fear. But I'm really glad that I was able to do it.
Being at the pond--reading poems with other poets, just laying about, sharing food and being around these friends--I wish I could do this all summer long. The lazy bike rides in Robert Frost-like woods. The cooler breezes at night riding around town. God, it feels too good to be outside of NY.
More and more I think I cannot live in NY. Maybe only for another couple more years, I think. I'm not going to try to stay. But I don't actively feel the desire to flee. I just want this other comfort--to be happy in this free way.
It's great to be here. I was hesitant at first in Dara Wier's workshop--but after a couple sessions, I think I'm on board. I've adjusted to the sharp quickness of its movement. Its essentialist focus. My time here isn't a waste.
After class there's about a 4.5 hour break and I've been going out to town or doing something with the other participants, but today--the threat of flash thunderstorms and this sudden impulse drove me to cycle home. I want to write. To read. To just be alone and not preoccupy my time.
I'd like to return to the Pond, though. Maybe tomorrow.
It feels so right to be back inside of myself. Joined and alone. I love, and can see clearly in this way.
